


From Afar

by NoMansWindow2846



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Angst, Blood, Comfort, GGBB 2017, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, M/M, Mutual Pining, Past Dan/OC, Past Relationship(s), Pining, Sexual Content, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-12-11 23:37:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11724942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoMansWindow2846/pseuds/NoMansWindow2846
Summary: Everyone falls into patterns. It's natural, easy, understandable. When Dan realizes his feelings for Arin, that breaks the pattern. And his new ability isn't helping things.





	From Afar

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is for the Game Grumps Big Bang.  
> I got some fucking fantastic art, which you can see [ here ](https://silver-t-hedgehog.deviantart.com/art/Ggbb-Art-Fic22-Silver-697164589?ga_submit_new=10%3A1502037917)  
> my tumblr: [ elisisland](http://elisisland.tumblr.com)

He hated all of it. He hated the pretty blonde with larger than average tits underneath him, squirming while he mouthed at her neck. He hated her hands running along his back before moving to undo his belt. He hated the way his sense went on high alert as she touched him, stroked him, took him into her mouth, painted lips too thin for her face. He hated his nails digging into her shoulder as he came down her throat. He hated her movements as he licked a long strip from the top of collarbone to the base of her ear. He hated the pulse rushing under the surface, driving him, forcing him to push his long nails deeper. He hated the urge, the need to lick at the crescent welts on her shoulder, arm, neck. He hated, hated, hated, hated the satisfaction of watching her slip into unconsciousness, her eyes fluttering shut.

He cried when he finished. He always did. Whether it was just enough to keep him running through the week or for the month, he wrinkled his nose in disgust as the warm, coppery fluid slid past his tongue. He twitched as he licked the wound sealed, feeling her pulse thump past. Sloshing with a heaviness that made his head spin, his stomach twisted at the foreign feeling. He moved the blonde, Katie or something similar, giving him enough space to stretch out.

Sitting up slowly, he held his head in his hands. His hands itched to make something, do something, while his brain buzzed loudly with ideas, countless ideas. Taking a few deep breaths, he wiped the still running tear trails. He sniffled, sucking in the mucus that came with the tears. He gave a cough, fumbling for his shirt in the relative darkness. Even with the improved sight he got years ago, 40, 50 maybe, he still struggled with the dark and still required glasses, although the prescription was far weaker.

After finding her shirt, his jeans, her skirt, and her jacket, he finally found his shirt and tugged it over his head. Making his way into his bathroom, he was far more grateful for the ability to finally live alone after so, so very long of requiring roommates. No more questions of ‘who is she?’, ‘why do you always have a new girl over?’, ‘when are you finally gonna get a girlfriend?’, and certainly no more questions of ‘why are you always up so late?’. He snarled at the thoughts of the questions being pressed into him. He hated the way his canines dug into his lip just a little, almost enough to draw blood, but not quite.

Turning on the facet, he brought a cupped hand under and then to his mouth, washing out the taste a bit and settling his sensitive stomach just a touch. He brushed his teeth, to soothe the dull ache at the roots and to get the lingering taste out. Rinsing once more, he lifted his head to stare at his reflection. The dark bags under his eyes faded a bit as his body began processing the blood from the poor woman he teased into a good time with him. Frowning, he gripped the edge of the sink. He stared down at his hands as he heard the woman get up from her doze. He would need to get back in there to pacify her, reassure her that she just had a nightmare.

He waited a few seconds, counting down in his head, a habit he picked up after the depression he went through trying to kick his urges in their asses. He heard her call out, call his name. He called back, saying he was just peeing. He could her voice shift to a higher pitch as he flushed the toilet to prove his point. Washing his hands, he heard her make her way to him. She braced herself against the doorway, sweat beginning to pool on her forehead once more.

She breathed out a sigh, “I had the worst dream. You, you were trying to kill me and then you ran and I-I-I’m so scared.” She reached out to him, grabbing his still wet hand, “I’m glad it was just a dream.” He squeezed her hand, releasing pheromones he knew would lull her back into a sense of security, of safety.  “Come back to bed?”

He smiled at her, too many teeth in his mouth, too many pressing to savor her again. “Let me dry my hands and I’ll come back.”

She smiled back, a playful glint in her eyes that fed into his appetite and his boner, “Don’t keep me too long, Danny boy.”

  
  


She was gone by the time he rose again, the sun poking at his eyes through the small division in his curtains. His stomach sloshed as he swung his feet off the edge of the bed, rubbing at the ache that spread throughout his mouth. Snarling at the sun sending a thin line of irritation along his spine, he stretched, his bones popping loudly in the stillness of his room. He made a grab for his glasses as a pressure began building in his back, starting roughly where his stomach is.

He didn’t have time for this or anything other shit related to his feeding last night. He had to meet up with Arin… He glanced at the clock, a sigh slipping past his lips. He was supposed to be over at Arin’s almost an hour ago. He coughed, forcing the pressure to shift and press directly on his spine. Squirming, he shifted it more as he fumbled for his dead phone.

Setting the phone up to charge, he made his way to his bathroom. He caught his reflection once again before leaning closer to mirror and examining his face. His stubble was coming in once again, a patch of gray shining through on his chin. His eyes were more vibrant than before; they always were after a feeding, no matter the size. The bags under his eyes were still there, a stark reminder that he wasn’t fully turned, all because  _ someone _ had to come in and try to be a savior to him.

Some part of him, possibly the last bit of his humanity, wondered what would have happened if he had died that night in the warehouse. If he was drained entirely. If he was left an empty husk. Would things have been better for everyone he had met past that point? What if he was fully turned, like the woman who led into the space, his wife? What happened to her? To any of the people lured in? To any of the  _ monsters _ ? One of the monsters that he became.

Sighing once again, he moved away from the sink, almost gliding as he started the shower. His phone vibrated with a call, certain it was Arin with a dozen questions to why Dan not only was late, but failed to pick up. He resisted the urge to wrinkle his nose as he shoved his face into the stream of water. Steam filled the room along with quiet moans as the water poked at the pressure, untying the knots.

He never knew what cause the pressure or what would happen if he let it out, but his sneaky suspicion was things would end hellish for him and anyone around him. Instead of focusing on what if or the future, he began washing himself, getting the stench of the woman off him. He would need to wash his sheets when he got back from the office, but that was another problem for another time. Right now, however, he needed to stop the infernal buzzing on his night stand. 

Shutting off the water, he didn’t even bother himself the luxury of toweling off first before he marched to his phone, picking it. “Hello, Arin,” he said, his tone a little sharper than he would have liked.

“ _ Sorry to call you, Mr. Grumpy Gus, but I’m just chilling at my house wondering where the fuck you are. _ ”

He was tempted to sit on his bed, knowing he had to change the bedding anyway, but stayed standing, dripping into the carpet. “I-I-I overslept. Didn’t sleep much last night.” He coughed at the pressure once again making itself known. “Sorry, Arin. Should have called sooner. I-I’m really sorry. Can I make it up to you?”

Arin huffed out a laugh, “ _ Don’t worry about it. Shit happens. Just calling to see that you’re not dead. _ ” At the silence, Arin coughed into the receiver. “ _ I guess I’ll just see you at the office then, huh? _ ”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll see you there. Later, Ar.”

He hung up first, not letting Arin add some snide comment about being late. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but something sent his stomach in a whirl. Shaking the feeling, he began getting ready. The stillness of the house, his heightened senses, the unknown pressure. All weighed on him that by the time he left his house, locking the front door, he wanted to turn tail and run back inside.

Instead, he steeled himself, climbed into his car, and drove to the office, pretending like he hadn’t knocked some random woman out cold, like he hadn’t drained her of a cup of blood, like he hadn’t had the urges to kill her and drain her for all she had, like he hadn’t thought that way about everyone in his life, like he hadn’t thought about Arin like that.

  
  


The first thing Dan noticed when he got to the office was how much his skin itched, how everything felt like it was burning his skin. Every scent buried itself in his clothes and his nostrils. Every light flashed, etching themselves on his retinas. Every noise reverberated like a clap of thunder a few feet from where he stood. Even with the bombardments to his senses, he managed his way to the Grump room without sending a panicked or angered glance to anyone.

He shut the door before flopping on the couch, embracing the cool silent calm the empty room always brought him. Not even a full minute had passed before Arin came into the room. Dan reeled in the sigh that threatened to fall from his lips as the hurricane known as Arin moved in and sat next to Dan. If this had been another day, Dan would have loved to see Arin, to talk with him, to play games with him. But today had turned sour the moment he thought he needed to feed again.

Dan had suffered bad days, worse days even, so he wouldn’t let a bit of a sour mood affect him. Once they started to record, he would mellow out and things would even out. Things would be fine. Not that Arin had started to move to start recording or even turn on the television. Wiping the uneasiness on his jeans, Dan smiled. “Everything alright, Arin?” He knew his smile wavered, not that Arin could see as his face was turned upward and his eyes were shut tight.

A sigh fell from Arin’s lips as he slowly opened his eyes once more. He turned his head, the side of his face burying in the back of the couch. His mouth moved for a moment before he sat straighter, the words coming out, “Is everything okay with  _ you _ , Dan?”

Dan’s eyebrows furrowed for a millisecond before he resumed his neutral happy face. “I mean, I’ve been stressing about the show and NSP and everything, but that’s usual. I-I just didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. Was up really late.” He could feel his hunger spike, despite feeding not even 12 hours ago. He could see every little thing in Arin’s face that made him handsome, even the scar above his lip that he hid with facial hair. He could feel Arin’s pulse speed up a fraction. He could feel his own heart pick up.

Dan placed his head low, taking large breaths. The world felt like it was on a tilt-a-whirl and he was on the edge. Everything faded in and out of his vision before he had to squeeze his eyes shut to not throw up. A thump sounded in his ear repeatedly for nearly a minute as Arin hushed him and whispered random nothings into his ear before he realized the rush was his own blood. Arin rubbed his back while the touch slowly morphed into a dull burn. He wanted to flinch, pull away, but his heart wasn’t into hurting Arin more than he probably had.

Sucking in a deep breath, Dan turned his head, spotting Arin through his hair. Arin shifted his hand from Dan’s back to swiping a chunk of hair behind his ear, only to have it spring back into place. A deep laugh bubbled out of Arin and Dan smiled, facing the ground once more. Taking a few breathes to even out his heartbeat, he was more than aware that Arin was back to rubbing his back, burning him with his touch.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Arin asked, shattering the silence. He felt Dan tense minutely under his hand, wondering if he was pushing his luck. No, Dan never snapped, er well, rarely did and it was always at a game or traffic. “Do we need to wait a bit for the sesh? I won’t complain. I mean, how many times have we started late for other reasons? If you’re not feeling 100% or not up to do this, it’s fine. We can wait.” 

Dan didn’t fully understand what had happened, but Arin snapped his mouth shut. He would have thought it had something to do with the pheromones he could release, if his mind wasn’t buzzing with the reality that he had fallen for one of his closest friends. Another deep breath forced a shudder down his spine. Maybe he should go home, figure  _ this _ out, mediate.

Arin retracted his hand, watching Dan relax, his head bobbing lower. “Go home. Get some rest in your bed and not just on this couch, despite how comfortable it is. I’ll come by and pick you up in a few hours after you rest.”

Dan pushed himself off of pressing his forearms into his thighs. He turned to Arin, pulling on a weak smile. “Okay,” he said, knowing better than to try to fight Arin on this. “I’ll go home, get some sleep, maybe have a proper meal.”

Giving Dan’s knee a quick squeeze, Arin returned the smile, “Good. I’ll come by in a few hours.”

  
  


Stepping into his house, his nostrils were assaulted with the scent of the woman from the night before. His face contorted into one reflecting disgust and regret, while his stomach threatened to seize at the memory of its fullness. Toeing off his shoes and peeling off his jacket, he shoved both into the corner by the front door rather than properly put them away in the closet. He then made his way to his bedroom, pulling all his bedding off, including the pillowcases. Staring down at the miniature mountain at his feet, he sighed. It would take 2 cycles to get everything, which meant by the time Arin swung to pick him up, everything would have just finished.

It wasn’t like he would have been able to sleep anyway. His mind buzzed around with coming to terms with the fact that he, a straight man, was in love with his best friend, with another man, with Arin. Shoving the first load into the washer, he propped himself up. Why the fuck was he so sensitive? He never, in the pushing 50 years he’s been this horrible  _ thing, _ had gotten sick like this. So what was different this time?

Forcing a window open, letting in the cool wet fall air, he took a minute or two to ease out the nauseating smell of her. Breathing in the fresh air lowered his sense to the point that his head didn’t spin or his stomach twist into painful knots when he moved away. With a clearer head, he backtracked to why she had made him sick in the first place.

She smelled fine, great even. Nothing was wrong. She didn’t have a blood disease; he would have smelled it from a mile away and tasted immediately. She didn’t even have a cold. She wasn’t sick. She was healthy. Perfectly healthy.

Shaking his head, he knew that there was something more to her, to this. He began pacing, hoping the motions would ease him back into serenity.

Was it because he didn’t need to feed? Had he given his body too much to handle and his human side, his humanity was rejecting the excess? He learned the hard way that over time his body needed more blood more regularly; that had caused his depression and counting habit 20 or so years ago. Was he going to be okay? Would he be able to keep his urges, his instinct under wraps enough to keep doing the show, NSP, any of it?

To say it hit him like a freight train, he would have argued it was worse. He had heard about soldiers getting limbs torn from their bodies and he felt something similar had happened to him. He collapsed into himself, falling to the floor. Everything was too bright, too loud, too hot, too painful.

He struggled to grab anything to keep him grounded. Everything he touched disappeared from his hands, his hands oddly covered in something warm and slick. Screwing his eyes shut, he began realizing the liquid soaking the back of his shirt and spilling off him and into the top of his boxers wasn’t sweat. He fumbled around for his phone, it sliding out of his hands. Quickly wiping the excess on the front of his shirt, he dialed a number, a number so familiar he knew it almost as well as his own.

He coughed, adding to the drips of blood already on the floor. The phone rang once, twice before he picked up.

“ _ Dan? _ ” How casual for the situation.

Through the pain, through the tears, he barked out a laugh. 

“ _ Dan? Are you there? Is everything okay? _ ”

Shifting to grip the phone better and not be on his hands and knees, he let out a low hiss, bumping into the arm of the couch. “Arin.”

“ _ Dan? What’s happening? What’s going on? C’mon. Talk to me. _ ”

Another laugh spilled from his lips as he located the source of the blood and pain. The sounds of the expansion and contraction as he flexed filled the air. Leather was the first word he would use to describe it, not quite unlike his jacket sitting in the foyer As laughter continued to pour from his lips, he was vaguely aware that Arin was talking to him, giving him instructions.

“ _ I’ll be over soon. Don’t move. I love you. _ ”

There was a click and Dan tossed his phone a few feet from him, watching it skitter across the floor. The laughter died in his throat as he pieced together what was happening to him. Reaching up to run a hand through his hair forced the wings he just randomly sprouted from his back to shift. Wincing, he pulled his arm back down.

He blinked. His senses weren’t flooded with the coppery smell that had to be filling the air. Looking down at the floor, thankful that it wasn’t carpet, he blinked again. There was definitely blood, but he couldn’t smell it. All his sense were turned off. He huffed out a laugh again, the absurdity getting to him.

He sat on the floor for several minutes, the laughter dying into spar giggles. Rubbing a hand over his face, he slowly came to the conclusion that his body ached. It wasn’t just a simple ache on his back where his wings had sprouted. It was a deep full body ache, deep enough that he felt it in his bone. He needed to rest. He needed to sleep.

Getting off the floor with wings that touched everything and forced him to grinding halt was such a monstrous undertaking that he thought he would pass out from the pain before the blood loss. Taking a few deep breaths, he steadied himself. He closed his eyes, feeling the world sway under him. Not enough to force him back to the floor, but enough that his head and stomach spun. He managed to get to his room without horns or something showing up as well.

A choked sob fell from his lips as he spun to lock his bedroom door. Squeezing the knob with all his might, his arm shaking with the force, he gritted his teeth. His heart beated quietly in his ears as he swore more blood pooled from the slits in his back. Adjusting his shirt, he moved to grab an old shirt from the hamper. It wasn’t much, but it would stop anything from getting on the bare mattress. Shoving a pillow under his chin, he smelled only himself.

It was calming, having his wings wrapped around him. Part of him wondered if his wings somehow sensed his distressed and forced him to release the calming pheromones while another part thought about whether they could actually affect him or not. He never verbalized either parts, instead opting to spread himself out while his wings curled against him. Shutting his eyes, he breathed in the scent that was somehow purely him, listening to the slow thumps of his heart.

  
  


If he had fallen asleep, he hadn’t noticed. Everything had blurred together so seamlessly that he wouldn’t have been surprised that he had, not with the pain he felt. There was a thud, a small string of curses, and another thud before his brain finally made enough sense. There was someone in his house. Someone. In his house. No, a meal. He couldn’t help but clutch at his stomach as he heard, he smelled the person move through the house to his room.

Sitting up slowly to rest on his knees, his heels digging into the no ass he had, he blinked. His mind was still for a moment before thoughts ran past in droves. First, there wasn’t a weight, a pressure on his back. Reaching up revealed that his wings or whatever, they were were back in his back, his torso, his body. Okay, so his wings were retractable. That was handy information.

Second, he could smell again. It wasn’t overbearing like her scent had been before. He could still smell her from the sheets bundled in the corner, but he could also smell himself, the soap in the guest bathroom, and Arin.

Arin.

Arin was here. Arin was the one moving in the house. Arin was the one searching for Dan. Arin would find him in his room, his back torn and bloody, possibly scabbed over; not that he could tell what the fuck was going on with his back as it was on his back.

He tried to move fast, get to his door before Arin, but he was forced to stop when he felt his skin pulled taut, his shirt brushing against the still healing wounds. Slowly, carefully, methodically, he tugged at the ends of his shirt. It took much longer than ever, little winces being pulled from him like broken threads pulled from his partially healed lacerations. He got it off in time to have Arin knock on his door as he bunched up the ruined fabric. Frowning down at the fabric, he muttered something about being one of his favorites. He took a deep breath, tossed it into the pile by his hamper, and opened the door to Arin.

Arin lowered his fist, sucking in a breath. He would be lying if seeing Dan shirtless didn’t get to him. Ignoring the heat in his stomach or face, he smiled at Dan. It wavered when Dan didn’t return it, opting to slump against the doorway, a single wince passing his lips. Arin dropped the act before reaching out to touch Dan. He pulled back when Dan moved away, possibly too quickly, a groan falling from his lips.

Shoving his hands into his hoodie pouch, Arin shifted from foot to foot. “You okay?” Dan remained silent and Arin brushed a hand over his hair that’s pulled back into a high ponytail. “I know you probably didn’t want me to come storming over here and bang-”

“Yeah, I didn’t,” Dan spat out, forcing Arin’s hand to freeze at the point where his scalp ended and the ponytail began.

Sighing, Arin dropped his hand, tucking it back in the pouch. “I’m sorry. I know what I did was kinda irrational and everything, but I want you to see things from my view. My best friend comes into work for the like the fifth time in a month super spacey and all that and I start thinking maybe he’s on drugs, but he only ever says he’s tired. And then I get a call in the middle of a meeting and I picked up and you know what I hear? Laughter. Not the haha laughter, the ‘god, I am losing my mind and maybe my life’ laughter. I just, shit. I’m just worried about you is all.” 

Taking a deep breath, hoping Dan says something, Arin smoothed his hair once more. He could feel the prick of tears forming. When nothing was said, Arin continued, “I get that coming here was selfish. I get that I should stay out of your business, since it’s  _ your _ business. But when it starts affecting the show, us,  _ me _ , I feel like I should be able to come and talk to you about it. If you don’t want to talk now, that’s fine. I know I showed up suddenly, but, please, please for the love of god, talk to me.”

Arin coughed, mucus filling his airway. Sniffling, he wiped away tears he hadn’t noticed. All he had focused on, all he could focus on was Dan, watching his expressions. Dan looked older suddenly, his eyes far more tired and worn, sunken. “Please?” Arin begged.

Dan nodded, slumping harder against the frame, placing all his weight on the wood. He swallowed thickly, the press of tears ever present, as he looked over Arin. His face was red, blotchy, scrunched together. All of it was Dan’s fault and he knew it more than anyone. “Sorry, Arin,” he mumbled out, his eyes locked at his feet.

Slowly, so Dan could see his intentions from a mile away, Arin pulled out one of his hands, reaching for one of Dan’s. When he didn’t move away like before, Arin smiled. Giving it a tight squeeze, a promise, Arin coughed. “Shit,” he said, a giggle on the tail end of the word. “I need some water and something for this headache I got.” Pulling out of Dan’s grasp, he nodded, “You’ll probably need something too.” Biting back the urge to smooth his hair again, a nervous habit sprouting, Arin tried to smile at Dan. He knew he failed, but didn’t let it get to him, asking, “Would it be okay if you came downstairs with me? You can pull on a shirt first.”

Dan lifted his head enough to blink at Arin. Arin, the man who left a fucking meeting to answer Dan’s call. Arin, the man who dropped everything and sprinted over because he was worried. Arin, the man who put up with so much of his shit; he wasn’t entirely sure Arin was human, possibly an angel with all the patience he had. Arin, the man who stole his heart. Dan blinked again, his blood a dull thud in his ears. “Yeah,” he squeaked out. He cleared his throat, trying again, “Yeah, I’ll be down in a few.”

Arin took a few steps away before Dan grabbed his hand. He looked down at it before looking at the owner’s face. He smiled, but it was strained just a bit, as if he was in pain. When Arin smiled, Dan let go, allowing Arin go back downstairs into the kitchen.

Dan’s stomach swirled with the thoughts of another feeding, another meal, and Arin, pure, whole Arin. His brain had already come to a conclusion, his instincts urging him for another taste since he lost so much from the wings incident. His heart, on the other hand, what he ultimately listened to, reminded him that it was Arin. Arin, his best friend. Arin, his crush, his love. Not some random unlucky woman he found at some sleazy club looking for a fast, no-strings attached fuck.

He wrinkled his nose, still smelling her from the sheets. Looking back to the bed, his old shirt still lay there, beckoning him back to bed. He grabbed it from its place, balled it, and pulled out a clean shirt. He surprised himself when no pain blossomed from his back, causing him to freeze or otherwise deal with pain. Smoothing the front of his shirt, he blinked. Maybe things would be okay. He could talk to Arin, say that he’s been getting over a bad break-up in his own ways, which were making him depressed and he kept bringing home nameless faceless woman, which fed back into the cycle and-

He sighed. He knew Arin wouldn’t believe him in the slightest. Mainly because it would seem so out of character. How many times had he talked about waiting to fuck? How long had he brought up that part of his life, the last shreds of his humanity? Now it was all about a quick, guilt-free fuck. Not that it was his first option, that going to a blood bank. That was shut down quickly when he had started hearing about the need for blood to save countless lives. He couldn’t possibly kill people when he could just take what he needed.

No. A one-night stand would be fine with him. He came, he feed, he made sure the woman had fun as well. It was the best solution. The only long term solution.

Shaking his head to get rid of the thoughts, he tugged his door open, blinking. When had he closed it? Had Arin? He ruffled his hair. He was getting lost in his head again and things would not have been fun if he stayed that way when he got downstairs to where Arin was waiting for him patiently. Groaning, guilt consumed him. Only he would fall for such an amazing guy who’s also married to one of his closest friends.

When Dan got downstairs, he didn’t find Arin on the couch or at the table like expected. No. Arin was in the kitchen, messing with something he couldn’t quite see, as Arin let out a small “Fuck”, waving his hand like he got burned. Swallowing, Dan spoke quietly, hoping not to scare Arin, “Hey.”

Arin spun on his heels, the end of his ponytail slapping him in the face. He spat it out, smiling, “Hey.”

Dan smiled because how could he not? Everything was slowly righting itself and he was grateful that Arin felt comfortable in his house once again. “What’s happening? Making something?”

Arin glanced over his shoulder, “I was making a sandwich, but I realized like halfway through it was a bad idea and,” a nervous laugh bubbled out of him, “and that was the ‘Fuck’ you heard, probably. I can finish make it and make you one if you want, since it’s your food.”

Dan laughed. Things were definitely getting back on track. “How much of your food have I eaten over the years?”

“How much of  _ your _ food have  _ I _ eaten over the years?” Arin parroted, emphasizing his point. Waving him away, Arin turned back to the counter, “You can have this one, just sit and we can eat and then go back to the office.” Pausing, Arin took his empty glass, filled it with water, and turned back to Dan. “Here. I dunno if you’ve had anything today, so just have some water.” When Dan didn’t take the glass, he nudged it forward, “Please?”

Taking the cup, Dan stared down into it. Some of him, most of him wondered if the reason everything was too bright, too loud, too sharp as while as not bright enough, not loud enough, not firm enough was because the only thing in twelve plus hours he had consumed was her. Closing his eyes, he tipped it back. Everything felt just a little better when he removed the empty glass from his lips. Looking back to Arin revealed a smile on his lips.

“Good boy,” Arin said, ruffling Dan’s crazy mane of curls he called hair. “Now go sit on the couch. I’ll bring out the stuff in a bit.” He blinked, eyes checking the clock. “Wow, it’s still early. Or maybe it’s not and I’m just weird because I waited like 2 hours for you.”

Dan gripped the glass just a touch tighter, his knuckles paling. “I’m sorry, Arin. Crazy night. And I swear it wasn’t drugs. It was-” He cut himself off. What was he going to say? That some random woman he didn’t know had found a place underneath him last night? That would just make Arin suspect drugs even more. “It wasn’t drugs.”

Arin tugged the empty glass out of Dan’s hands, watching him for a moment. “Alcohol?” he asked, placing the cup next to the half finished sandwich. Dan said nothing, wrapping his arms around his torso. A sigh passed Arin’s lips, shaking his head. “If you’re getting shitfaced, fine. That’s your decision. As long as you aren’t driving or anything like that, I don’t care. Just… I dunno, text me or something so I’ll know you’ll be hungover the next day. Shit, sorry for freaking out over this.” 

Reaching out, Arin rubbed Dan’s shoulder. He smiled when their eyes met. “Go on, sit. I’ll finish the sandwiches and I’ll give you some of the Advil I found. As long as you’re-” He stopped, took a deep breath, and nudged Dan out of the kitchen. “We can talk later. Just, just let me take care of you for a bit.”

Dan stood at the edge of the kitchen, watching. Just watching. Watching the light dance through the curtains in the living room. Watching the dust rise and fall in the sparkling light. Watching a breeze blow the curtain open, letting more light in. Just watching time pass.

Taking a shaky step forward, he could feel his stomach slosh around with the sudden weight of the water. His mind flashed back to last night, or early this morning. It didn’t matter. What did was the dull pain blooming in his jaw. Pausing, he reached up to massage the sore flesh. It took a few seconds, but slowly, as if holding on for dear life, the ache ebbed.

He took a deep breath. It wasn’t his day at all. First, her. Then, waking up late and dealing with an already on edge Arin. Then, he grew fucking wings when he got home.  _ Fucking wings _ . Then, he had the great idea to call Arin while he broke down into hysterics.

Everything was moving past him at such a high speed, Dan was sure he would get whiplash trying to keep up. No. He was going to sit on the couch and wait for Arin to come in with food and they would chat after and he would be fine. Things would be fine.They both would be just fine.

Oh. He blinked. A dark red stain still remained pooled on his flooring along with a darker smear on the front of his couch. How had Arin not seen a  _ giant _ pool of blood when he had entered? Shaking, he knew it didn’t matter now. If he could grab something to soak it up without Arin running him out of the kitchen, then he would have one less question pressed into him from Arin.

Behind him, Arin opened and closed the fridge. He moved silently through the kitchen while Dan just stared at the stain. A beat or two passed before things came back into view. “Dan?”

Dan started, spinning on his heels. A deer would be a good comparison, probably the best from Arin’s point of view, so he waited for Dan to start. “Arin?” He squeaked out. With the tension that was slowing building, he didn’t try to clear his throat and try again.

Pushing himself off the counter he was leaning on, Arin took a step towards Dan. It was a face-off, a battle of which would crack first. Poker faces didn’t last long when Arin smiled, crossing his arms over his chest. Only when Dan strunk under the gaze, clearly biting back a groan, did Arin let it go. “If you’re wondering about the blood, I don’t really want to know.” Dan could see the gears turning in Arin’s mind. “Wait. Wait. Is that your blood?”

Dan went to shake his head, deny it. How do you explain that much blood to someone? Clearly he’s still standing, so he couldn’t have lost that much, but- “Yeah. Don’t ask about it.”

“It’s why you’re wincing, isn’t it?”

“I just said-”

Arin held up his hand. “I know what you said. But now I’m concerned. I mean, shit.” He closed the few yards between them, placing a hand on Dan’s shoulder. “C’mon. Sit. Lay down. Something. Shit. Do you need stitches or something? That’s a lot to lose.”

Dan waved him off, ducking under the touch. The last thing he needed was  _ Arin _ taking care of him. Having anyone watch him could be disastrous, but Arin, the man, the  _ only _ man he ever saw as something other than a meal or a friend, was going to make things go from bad to awkward to so much worse. “I can seat myself, Arin. I’m a big boy.”

It wasn’t that Arin didn’t trust him. No, he trust Dan, with his life even. He was concerned that Dan would stumble and hit his head and add to the blood and then he would have to take a bloody, unconscious Dan to the hospital and-

“See?” Dan asked, showing off his hunched position on the couch, which pulled Arin out of his head. “I can sit down all by myself.” Carefully, his thoughts on his not fully formed scabs, he leaned back. The pain was instant the second his shirt pressed lightly into his back. He gripped his knee to prevent himself from shooting off the couch. It was hard to ignore Arin’s glare as he forced himself to relax. “See?” He repeated, his teeth gritted, “I’m fine.”

“Dude.” It sounded like a question. They both knew that. Neither addressed it and Arin rubbed a hand over his face. “Listen. I know you’re trying to be brave or whatever. Just stop.” Dan didn’t fight Arin when he pulled him away from the back of the couch, which surprised him. He expected some fight after the brave face Dan was pulling, but when he looked at Dan, really took him, all he could see was a tired man who had witnesses too much of the world’s hate.

“Dan, just… just try to relax,” Arin said, pushing Dan to lay flat on his stomach. “Things are going to be okay.” He let out a cough at sight of beads of red spill to the back of Dan’s shirt. They slowly formed two parallel lines. “We… we need to get your shirt off.”

Dan froze at the touch of Arin’s thick hands around the hem of his shirt. He didn’t know what Arin would find when his shirt was gone. Scabs or blood or both, he didn’t know, couldn’t tell. It was all just pain to him. A few moments passed before he realized that Arin’s hands hadn’t moved, silently asking for permission. Instead of saying something, because he knew, he  _ knew _ his voice would crack if he opened his mouth, he lifted his hips off the sofa just enough.

Arin was careful, more careful than he felt he ever had in his entire life. The shirt was sticking to Dan’s back, pulling at things. Scabs, skin, everything. At one point, Arin had to stop, close his eyes and breath. He wasn’t necessarily squamish, but this. This was too much. He couldn’t deal.

Taking a deep breath, Arin gripped the shirt, bunching it in his fists. No. He could do this. He had to. For Dan. For the man that keep him up so many nights. For the man that he gossiped to Suzy about like teenage girls. For the man that had taken his heart. For the man he could call a best friend.

He rolled up the shirt, eyes looking anywhere but the red, sticky mess that was Dan’s back. “Shit,” he whispered as he felt the shirt reach the beginnings of Dan’s neck. “Okay, okay. I need you to lift your head. Shit. I-I-I need to clean you up. I need to patch you up. I need to get you a new shirt. I just… Shit, Dan. You need a hospital.”

Dan grabbed Arin’s wrist, blunt nails digging into the smooth flesh. If Arin wasn’t in panic mode, he might have noticed the way Dan’s eyes seemed to get dark, the way he seemed to growl deep in his chest. “No hospital. Please.”

Arin tugged his wrist out Dan’s grasp, rubbing the small divots that were morphing into welts. “Fine, no hospital. But I still need to patch you up, clean you up. Fuck. Dan, what the hell happened? And don’t give me any of this ‘don’t ask’ bullshit. You’re bleeding into your couch while I have to, I dunno, fix you up. Just, god, Dan. Talk to me.”

Dan turned his head to face Arin rather than the back of the couch, spitting out a chunk of hair. “Please, just… Arin, I will tell you. I promise. But not right now. Right now, I need some water. I will explain everything later. Just, please, drop it.”

Arin opened his mouth, closed it, opened it once more before closing it for good. He stood, wandering back into the kitchen. He stared into the sink for nearly a minute before he flicked the tap on, drowning a paper towel in the spray. He held it there until his hand started to numb. Wringing it out, he brought it back to Dan, who jumped at the cool wetness moving in slow, lazy circles.

“Thanks for this,” Dan croaked out. His head felt light in the bad way. His back stung like someone was rubbing hot coals across his back. His throat was dry. His stomach. Oh, his stomach. At the thought of it sent pain waves outward of it and Arin had to restrain him from curling around it. “Arin, please,” Dan whimpered.

To say Arin’s heart broke a little at that would be an understatement. It destroyed him. He wanted nothing more to pacify Dan, but that wasn’t for the best. No, he had to finish cleaning Dan. Then find bandages or gauze or something to stop the bleeding and prevent him from opening the wounds again.

“I’m gonna go look for some Band-Aids, okay? Don’t move.” Arin pushed himself to his feet, moving back to the kitchen.

Dan closed his eyes and he could hear Arin move, listen to his feet shuffle around like his own kitchen. He took deep breath, relaxing at the scent that filled his nose.  _ Arin _ . It was a comfort, despite the pit that told him to stay on edge, that something wasn’t quite right with their dynamic anymore.

‘ _ Of course our dynamic changed. I changed. Everything involving me is different now, _ ’ Dan thought as he tracked Arin from room to room, searching, rummaging. Shoving his face into the throw pillow, he tried to block out the spiralling in his stomach. Why did Arin have to be as patient as a goddamn saint? Why did he- 

Why was Arin coming back this way? Why was he slow?

“Arin?”

Arin appeared in front of him, kneeling to be on eye level. “Hey, buddy,” he said, swiping a loose curl behind Dan’s ear. That voice, that tone, it didn’t mean good things. “I couldn’t find anything that I thought would work for all,” he barked a feigned laugh, “all this.” Arin gave Dan’s shoulder a squeeze, placed a kiss on his exposed temple, and stood once more, his knees popping. “I shouldn’t be getting up and down so often,” he groaned. “Anyway, I’m going to the drugstore. I’ll be back soon. Don’t move.”

Dan grunted, snuggling into the pillow. “I won’t. I promise.”

“Not a muscle,” Arin pointed at him as he shuffled on his flip-flops.

“I would die.” Arin blinked at him owlishly. “My heart is a muscle.”

Arin laughed, deep, low in his chest, familiar. Things might not have been the best throughout today, but things would be okay. They would be okay.

  
  


Suddenly the moment was over and the door was slamming shut, leaving Dan alone in his house on his couch shirtless. Sighing, he closed his eyes, praying for sleep. He knew it wouldn’t come. It wasn’t his luck. It was like his luck had taken a vacation. Or maybe, it hadn’t and he was just unlucky.

With or without sleep, it didn’t matter; it didn’t stop the prickle of tears. It wasn’t that he hated this. Actually he despised it. 40 some odd years he’s been stuck as this  _ thing _ . Not human. No, that was long gone. He hadn’t felt remotely human in over 30 years. But he wasn’t quite a vampire. He didn’t change into a bat or burn in the sun. He could stand garlic and see his reflection. He couldn’t even influence people. He seemed to age at a slowed rate, such that it would be 2150 and he would still dance and play games and live.

Squeezing his pillow tighter, he forced his face into what he wasn’t gripping on for dear life. How long before he was back to being alone? How long before he was back to square one?  How long before he was back to being some stoner in a random city singing in bars for tips? How long before all this ended? How long before Arin left him, left him all alone?

It wasn’t that he hadn’t realized he was crying. No, he knew. He just thought if he ignored it long enough, the tears would stop. But ignoring a problem, the elephant in the room, wasn’t how he wanted to do things; he wanted things to be sorted out into nice, neat little boxes. That’s why when he heard the familiar sound of a car door slamming shut and the sharp thud of the deadbolt unlocking, he didn’t bother wiping his face. Instead he shifted to look our into the living room.

“Arin.” It was short, wet, but not clipped. No, he couldn’t be angry with Arin. Not when Arin could slip away from Dan at any moment. He gave a weak smile when Arin came into his field of view, although it was just his legs.

“Hey, Danny. I’m gonna put the gauze on your back, but I really think you should go to a hospital,” Arin said, kneeled, and began rummaging around in the plastic bag he brought in. Clearing his throat, he sorted all the things he bought. Gauze, medical tape, antibacterial cream, a box of butterfly bandages for the ends that couldn’t be covered by the box of gauze. “And I know you said no hospital, but, Dan, you idiot, you need stitches.” Looking up, he caught the trails, nearly invisible in the dull light through the curtains. He wiped away the right one, eyebrows scrunched. Then it dawned on him, “Shit. I should have gotten something for the pain. Shit. Do you want some Advil or something? I-”

“It doesn’t hurt, Arin,” Dan said, his shoulders somehow slumping. “Trust me, you would know.” He grabbed at Arin’s wrist, where the marks still thumped dully under his touch. Arin relaxed his hand, cupping Dan’s face, and Dan shut his eyes. It was nice, just breathing in Arin, feeling his heartbeat. He filed the thoughts, the feelings away for later. For when he would alone again.

Arin sniffled. He knew the stress of this all was getting to him, but he needed to be strong. Or at least appear that way for Dan. He could cry later. Clearing his throat, he stood up on his knees. “Okay. I'm gonna put some of this antibacterial stuff on it and it's gonna hurt like a bitch, but you can't move. Got it, Dan?”

“Yeah, I got it, Arin. Don't move.” Letting go of Arin’s wrist, Dan turned his face back into the sofa. It was easier to pretend it was someone else fixing his back than letting himself get sucked into the ideal of Arin taking care of him. “I won't move.”

“Good. Okay. I'm putting it on now,” Arin said, hoping that giving step-by-step instructions would prevent Dan from jumping or the like. To his surprise, Dan didn't jump. He didn't even flinch. “You okay there, Dan?”

“I'm fine.”

Arin nodded, opening the first gauze pad. “Can, can I ask what happened? I mean, you don't have-”

“I dunno.”

Arin placed the pad, pressing lightly on it. Dan still hadn't moved an inch. He blinked as his hands opened the second one. “How, how do you not know? Were you attacked or something? I mean, if it's an issue of not wanting to tell me, that's fine. Just say that.”

Dan finally moved. He was laughing. “God, Arin. You don't think I wouldn't have said that? I don't know what happened.” His voice got softer, “I don't know how it happened.”

Arin hummed, which morphed into a song, which further transformed into him breathing out lyrics, as he placed pad after pad on Dan’s back. Opening his mouth, wanting say something, comfort Dan, maybe, his mind went blank. Anything he could have remotely said vanished. He closed his mouth, frowned, and pulled out the medical tape. The sooner this was over, the sooner he could get an answer, the sooner he could get Dan to a hospital.

Arin blinked as the tape unfurled in his hand. He needed to get Dan to a hospital, but with the welts still clearly visible, Arin decided to hold off. Taking a deep breath, he watched for any flinching from Dan. “You-you know, I’m here if you ever wanna talk. And I’m not saying you have to. I just, I just wanna be an option, y’know? I mean, I’m sure Barry or Brian or Ross or Suzy or Jack or Vernon or Brent or, or Matt or Ryan and everyone else I can’t think of. People want to help, not just me. You hear me?”

Dan nodded. Of course he heard Arin. Arin was the only thing he could even recognize, the only thing he cared to recognize. Arin would slip out of his fingers, just like his wife. His eyes shifted downward, the weight of guilt heavy on him. A dozen and half ‘what if’s ran through his mind as Arin slowly sat him up. Only one stuck as Arin moved out of his field of vision; what if he had decided to stay home while he let Mary run off? Would he be old and gray in a nursing home? Would he be dead, one of her meals?

Arin came back, holding a bundle of clean clothes, socks included. “Since you can’t shower with the gauze, I figured you would appreciate some clean clothes. I know I feel better after being sick after however long in new clothes.” He placed them gingerly on Dan’s lap, keeping his hands in minimal contact. “Just so you know, I’m going back to the office. I brought jeans in case you wanted to join me. You don’t have to.”

Arin ran a hand over his hair, his mouth drying out. “You-you can come with me and let me take you to the hospital when we’re done or, or you can stay and recover and I can pick you up when I’m done. Your choice.”

Picking through the clothes on his lap, Dan blinked at them, his heart beating too fast for his liking. “That’s a kind gesture, Arin,” he nodded to his lap, “clothes included, but-”

“No buts,” Arin said, a cutting edge in his tone. “You need a hospital. You can say all you want about no hospitals, but I will drag you to a hospital myself if I have to. You need stitches and maybe a transfusion, something. All I know is I can’t help you more than this and you need more. So please, stop talking about refusing a hospital.”

“Fine,” Dan said, leaning back into the sofa. The pain was as sharp as ever, but his brain, his mind dulled it enough for him to glare at Arin. To say he hated the spiral in his stomach would have been an understatement. He despised the urge to leave, run, hide. He despised the source, his attraction to Arin. Running a hand over his face, Dan sighed, “Fine. I’ll go to a hospital.” When Arin’s face brightened, he added, “Later.”

Arin rolled his eyes, “You’re a tough sonuvabitch, I swear. First, you fucking bleed everywhere and now you’re basically refusing stitches. You’re gonna kill yourself one of these days.”

Dan laughed, sitting up straighter. He stared at Arin, a smirk on his face, “If only.” He blinked, his eyes drifting back to his lap. “I’m gonna go change.” He stood, glancing at the floor before back to Arin, “Can, can you… Would it be too much to ask you to clean up the blood on the floor? If it is, then I-”

“Yeah,” Arin said, placing a firm hand on Arin’s shoulder. “Now, go change. I’ll take care of this, or try to.” He waved Dan away before looking down at his feet. He had been careful to avoid the red mess, but it was everywhere. It felt like half the living room was covered, even the front of the sofa had a distinct red smear. It was going to take a while and hopefully Dan would be a while.

Arin ran a hand over his face, sighing. He really needed to take Dan to the hospital, but with his moods, Arin didn’t want to risk more injuries than he already had, despite how minor they were. A few hours of Grumping and plenty of painkillers would mellow out Dan and then, only then could he possibly get Dan into a hospital or urgent care or something.

Getting down on his knees, Arin began scrubbing at the red. He paused, blinking. Had his mind wandered that much that he didn’t remember getting a hot, wet rag to clean with? Mentally shaking his head, he got back to work. If his body was on autopilot, then he could focus on his game plan.

While Arin was letting his mind wander, Dan was staring at his reflection. He had gotten a bit paler, due to the cooler weather, but this? This was far worse. He wondered if Arin was right about a transfusion. He grimaced as his stomach rumbled. Not ever 24 hours and he needed more.

Running a hand over the fine hairs on his stomach, Dan blinked. Did he really need more or did he just want more? Were his animal instincts kicking in? Was this what sent all those people over the edge? What finally pushed Mary over? He swallowed, fear building behind his eyes. He needed to leave. He need to get away from people. He needed to get away from Arin.

No. No, okay? He could deal with this. He could figure out a solution. He didn’t need to leave. He could do this. Shuffling out of his jeans, Dan frowned at the red ‘v’ on the seat. Along with finding a solution, he would need to find a way to get blood out of his shirt, his jeans, and his boxers, based on the stickiness.

Dan needed his back cleaned and he needed it now. He couldn’t think. He couldn’t breath. He felt paralyzed. It felt like a panic attack and something like being flung into a concert with everything on full blast thrown together in a blender and poured into his brain. His hands twitching, he yanked the hand towel off the rack. He shoved it under the facet, soaking it. He wrung it out once before turning into a human pretzel trying to reach the spot.

Finally,  _ finally _ he got it and relief washed over him like a tsunami. He laughed as he fell to the floor, some part of his mind realizing that he had opened the wounds for the second time. That part was silenced as relief, sweet glorious relief continued to pour over him. Titling his head back, he swallowed a couple of breath, calming his heart and mind. Whatever had just happened took all his strength, all his anger, all his thoughts.

And so he sat naked, besides socks, on his bathroom floor with a wet towel in one hand and his head in the other. Time passed and at this point in his conscious, Dan couldn’t tell how much had, but suddenly Arin was knocking softly on the door, calling out to him.

Dan swallowed, wetting his sore throat, “Give me a few. I-I-I needed to clean my ass. Got blood on it.” He expected a chuckle, but at some point today, his expectations had gone out the window.

What Arin did instead was shuffle around for a few seconds, calling back, “That’s fine. I’ll be in the living room. I cleaned as best as I could.” He cleared his throat, “Just, just let me know when you wanna go. I-I can finish the sandwiches I started.”

There was the laugh Dan was waiting for. “Thanks. I appreciate it. I need the food.” He waited a beat before calling out once more, “Arin?”

“Yeah, I’m right here, buddy,” Arin said, pressing a hand on the wood separating them. “Do, do you need some help or something?” He would, if he had to. He’d seen Dan in a thong; it wasn’t that far of a leap to see him fully naked. Something deep in his stomach kicked up, sending his stomach and head spinning. “Dan?”

“I’m fine, Arin.” Dan stood, glancing at the reflection in the mirror. Dark circles under his eyes were only further darkened at his pale skin. He sighed. He knew it wasn’t his day, but apparently, it was still on a downward spiral. He scrubbed at his face, trying to rid himself of the sick feeling spreading through him. If life was gonna keep shitting on him, then the least he could do was put up a fight.

Rubbing his back once more with the now cool cloth, Dan winced. The pain began waning back into exist, or his conscious at least. He knew, or at least some part did, that a hospital was the solution to this. Another louder part told him to stay put, to stay away from people, to stay a secret.

Dan let his thoughts wander as he pulled on the clean boxers, his motions mechanical, automatic. He bit his lip, hard enough to draw a small sliver of blood. Licking it away, he twitched as he bent down. It may not have hurt before, but right now he needed something; a shot of morphine or a handful of Advil, it didn’t matter. He just needed something. 

Dan shuffled into the jeans Arin had brought for him. It wasn’t that he forgot the shirt. Well, it played a part, but what pulled him out of the bathroom was a small string of curses. Loud curses. So loud that Dan could it from at least 20 feet away through a door and possibly drywall. Swinging open the door, he momentarily thought Arin would be standing there, fist in the air, ready to apologize.

His guess was very off as soft curse rippled out from the kitchen once again. Dan blinked, his head growing heavier with the fog of pain. First his back, and now his stomach was twisting and caving in on itself. “Arin?” He croaked out, leaning against the wall. In the blink of an eye, Arin stood in front of him, pulling him off the wall and into his arms.

“Hey, I’m here,” Arin whispered in Dan’s, mindful of his hands. “Let’s get you some food. And then we’ll go, okay?” He didn’t wait for a response, pulling out of the hug and making a grab for Dan’s hand to lead him. Instead, Dan shifted a half step back. “It’s okay,” he mumbled out on the off chance Dan saw the flash of disappoint that darted across his face. “Just come into the kitchen.”

Dan followed wordlessly, his mind swimming. Pain factored into the feeling, but something more, something just under the surface, something he couldn’t quite pin, stirred in his head. After a few moments of trying figure it out, Dan gave up. He let his mind wander as his eyes fixated on Arin make a second sandwich to match the first. Dan couldn’t help the way his stomach twisted around nothing but slightly diluted stomach acid, a growl bubbling up. 

Arin froze for the briefest of moments such that if Dan’s eyes weren’t glued to his hands, he wouldn’t have noticed. “You must be starving, huh?” Arin asked easily, the words, the feeling so familiar on his tongue. He took a second to glance up at Dan and stare. “Everything alright with you?” His eyes widened and he ducked his head with shame. “I-I-I mean… what I meant was… Fuck. Sorry. I didn’t mean to come across as rude. You’re just kinda out of it and I’m just kinda worried that, that the blood and the, the… everything else is messing with your brain.” 

Sighing, Arin turned back to Dan. “I’m sorry I’m being such a spaz. I just… You worry me. Not just with this, but this  _ is  _ freaking me out incredibly. But with the past month or whatever. You’ve changed and I’m afraid you falling down a rabbit hole or something. I don’t want to lose you or anything, but… But if you feel like you need to move on to better pastures or whatever the phrase is, then I won’t stop you.”

“Arin.”

Arin flinched at his name before nodding, going back to the sandwich he was making. Whatever Dan would say, he already steeled himself for the worst of it. There were very few secrets between them, so nothing would phase him. At least, he wouldn’t show it. He couldn’t. He needed to be strong for Dan. He wasn’t the one who tore up his back with god knows what. He wasn’t the one bleeding. He wasn’t the one-

“Arin.”

It was curt, sharp enough to knock Arin out of his thoughts. He looked to Dan. The sorrow riddled with pain hovered over his face like a mask. Arin reached out to cup Dan’s face, but flinched half when Dan’s eyes widened slightly. He dropped his hand. “Dan,” Arin finally parroted. It tasted sour coming out of his mouth, like it was the wrong thing.

“Stop.” Dan sighed. “Please.”

Arin nodded, sniffling. When had he started to cry? Quickly, he wiped his face, removing the tear trails. “Yeah.” Voice crack, always a good sign. Clearing his throat, he went back to the sandwich making. “Sorry. Want a sandwich?”

He fell forward, not that he remembered it, just getting a face full of Arin’s hoodie. Arin laughed under him, his shoulders bouncing, although it didn’t sound quite right. It… it sounded forced, like he was back to his usual hosting front, the one where he hid in from his insecurities. It wasn’t that Dan hated this… personality; no, it worked great for Grumps and anything else they had to do where people would be watching, judging. But he always hated the front. It made him feel like Arin didn’t trust him.

“A sandwich and like 12 shots of morphine,” Dan mumbled into the fabric, ignoring the thoughts of anything besides hunger and pain. That was easier done than said as a wave of pain crashed into him. He gripped onto Arin like his life depended on it and, well, it might have with the way his knees gave out a few moments later.

“Woah, there.” Arin caught Dan’s arms, leading him over to the table and sitting him down in the nearest chair. “I can’t give you morphine, but you know who has morphine?”

Panic is a funny thing. It can force away any other thoughts, kicking your fight or flight response into high gear.  _ Thump thump. Thump thump. Thump thump. _ Dan couldn’t. He couldn’t go to a hospital. He couldn’t. “No, no, no, no, no, no.”

“Okay,” Arin said, his voice cracking. “Okay, no hospital.” He rubbed vague circles into Dan’s knee, pulling them both out of the high tension situation. “I think I found some Advil that I can give you.”

Dan looked at Arin, pain and hunger still at the forefront of his mind, but there was something. Something that was slowly taking center stage. After all Arin did for him, dropping a meeting, rushing over here, running to the store, taking care of him, all of it pressed into him. His eyes flicked away. “I’m sorry, Ar. You didn’t need to do this.” He sighed. “You can go if you want. I won’t stop you, y’know.”

“And miss out on a free sandwich? Hell no!”

There was that front again. Dan paused, looking back up at Arin. He had a front himself, didn’t he? The front where he was a straight guy, a human, a normal person. Not the reality where he had fallen for his best friend, where he was at least partially vampiric, where he lied through his teeth about everything. Where he lied to himself about everything he didn’t want to face, his crush, his blood lust, his habits he wanted to kick.

“Are you okay in there? I…” Arin trailed off, turning around. Dan followed him with his eyes before turning away when Arin came back with a plate, a glass, and a white bottle that clanked happily with pills. “Here. Eat and then we can talk.”

Dan blinked at the sandwich. Carefully, he picked it up. It felt odd in his hands, like it was suddenly a foreign object rather than something he ate weekly. He could feel Arin hover and so he took a bite. Apparently that’s all it took. He could hear Arin shuffle back to the kitchen. Waiting, he took another bite. And another. And another. And a fifth and so until the sandwich vanished in his hands. Still nothing.

Turning in his seat, Dan looked over his shoulder. “Arin?” Arin stood there, leaning against the countertop, an uneaten sandwich in one hand and scrolling through his phone with the other.

Arin glanced up. He gave Dan a smile, bit into the sandwich, and then went back to his phone. “You just about ready to go?”

Dan resisted the urge to wrinkle his nose at the food particles spewing from Arin’s mouth as he spoke. “I'm gonna take some pills and then I'm good. Are you gonna finish the sandwich before or after we get in the car?” Okay. Where did that come from? Sure, his stomach was pleasantly filled, but the pain still lingered in his mind like a heavy rain cloud. He shouldn't be making jokes this easily. 

Instead of waiting for an answer from Arin, Dan turned back in his seat. He stared at the glass. It was just a glass of water that Arin had placed in front of him, so why did it seem so odd? Picking it up, he stared into the water that sloshed with the movement. Nothing. It was a plain ol’ glass with water in it. He took a sip. Still nothing. It was still an ordinary glass.

Dan sighed. Shoving the thought out of his mind, he picked up the white bottle. He opened it, dumped out roughly a handful, and then proceeded to pour most of it back into the bottle. Three reddish brown pills happily rested in his palm, staring back at him. He thought it might be a bad idea, taking too many at once, but shrugged it off and swallowed them with a sip of water. He could deal with possible stomach pain later.

Arin rested a hand on Dan’s shoulder, startling the seated man. “Sorry,” Arin said, slinking his hand away. “You ready to go?” Dan looked up at him, a ghost of a smile on his lips. Arin flashed a smile with the same intensity. ‘C’mon, let’s go. We’ll play some games and you can laugh at my stupid jokes like you’re paid to or something.” He relaxed as Dan’s smile became more apparent. “And if, uh, if you’re comfortable with it, you can, like, uh,” Arin swallowed. “You can lay across my lap and the couch and we can adjust the mics so you don’t have to like bend up or sit and-”

“Okay,” Dan found himself saying, silencing the jittery man. “As long as you don’t ask for a  beej.” Arin flashed a smile, one that wasn’t part of the front, one Dan could trust. “I, I’m gonna need some help up.”

“Oh, yeah. Of course.” Arin tucked an arm under Dan and eased him up to his feet. “There we go. Let’s go.”

Dan felt himself sway slightly, his head light and floaty. He leaned into Arin. Arin. Arin was warm and soft and amazing and funny and when he wasn’t fronting, when it was just the two of them before or after sessions, he was genuine. No wonder he fell for Arin. Wrapping his long arms around the squishy torso of the man he loved, Dan breathed in the scent that was purely Arin. His shampoo, his deodorant, his sweat, they all blended together in his nose and he couldn’t get enough. “Arin.”

“Dan.”

His name. It sounded so nice coming from his throat. If only he was moaning it, then-

“We gotta go. As much as I’d love to hug you all day, I got a job to do.” Arin slowly unwound Dan’s arms, mindful of keeping him upright. “There we go. Let’s get going, huh?”

Dan nodded. He refused to frown; he couldn’t worry Arin any further. Wrapping his arms around himself instead, he followed Arin’s lead. Arin helped him get his shoes on, even tying the laces, and Dan felt his heart flutter. “Arin?”

Arin straightened, patting his pockets for his keys. “Yeah?” He smiled that fronted smile that sent Dan’s stomach in a tizzy. “I got my keys, so… And I can lock the door, so don’t worry about that.”

“I… That’s not what I was worried about.”

Arin blinked, looking over the thinner man. The increased paleness made his already thin body look sickly. Wait. “Shit. You need a shirt.”

“Yeah. Can you-”

“Just use my hoodie.” Before Dan could say anything, Arin was already peeling himself out of the thick fabric. “It probably doesn’t smell the best, but it might be better than your tight jacket.”

Dan grabbed the offered coat, rubbing it between his fingers. “This is kind of you, but-”

“Then wear it. If you really want a shirt, I got an extra at the office.” Arin heard Dan’s jaw shut as he adjusted his shirt. “Seriously, don’t worry about me. I just… I don’t want something pressing the gauze into the, the… yeah.” Arin swallowed. He was losing his strength; he couldn’t do that. Clearing his throat, he looked back up at Dan.

Dan fussed with the sleeves, rolling them enough to free his hands, which he then stuffed into the front pouch. “Okay.” He locked eyes with Arin for a moment before having them drift back to the floor. “I need my phone. It…” Trailing off as Arin nudged him to the said, he breathed out a sigh. What was wrong with him?

Dan closed his eyes. A full body scan would pinpoint the problem. His head was fine; a little light from the blood loss and possibly the medication, but overall, fine. His shoulders? Fine. His chest? Fine. His back, there was a dull pain, reduced from earlier, but still present. His stomach was full and happy. His legs? Fine, a little wobbly, but the reason rerouted back to his brain. So something was messing with his head.

Well, there were dozens of things that had added stress to his life, but he was working through all of them, managing the ones he couldn’t eliminate. Besides the crush, which would go away eventually, everything was under control. “Oh,” Dan whispered to himself.

“Got your phone. Are you…” Arin cut himself off as he looked at Dan. “Do you need to sit or lay down or something?”

Dan shook his head, curls slapping him in the face. He spat a stray one. “I’m okay. I… This is just a lot to deal with, y’know?” Sputtering out a laugh, he gave his face a quick scratch.

“Yeah. I mean, I don’t know anything that’s going through your head right now, but, um,” Arin swallowed. “I’m here, if you wanna talk.”

Dan gave his best attempt at a smile, “Thanks, Ar.”

“Of course. Now, do you wanna go or should we wait 5 minutes?”

“We can go now, just…”

“Just what?”

“What are you going to do for a coat if I’m wearing it?”

Arin rolled his eyes. “Dude, it’s only like 60 out and I’m basically a human furnace. I think I can manage a bit of cooler weather. I mean, it’s not fucking snowing out or something.”

“Oh. Okay.”

  
  


With no more words and a silent exchange of a phone, they left. Getting into the car? That was the easy part. Adjusting the seat and Dan’s position in the car so he didn’t bite through his lip on the way back to the office? That was the… Hard didn’t even begin to cover it. Dan was fussing in his seat before Arin even backed out of the driveway. The whines that sprouted from his lips nearly broke Arin’s heart. Arin helped fix the seat so Dan could rest his forehead against the dashboard without bending in half.

Then Arin started rambling. It wasn’t a fronted ramble or a rant. No, it was just Arin letting his thoughts flow from his mouth. Dan couldn’t help but smile. He would be lying if he said he hadn’t fallen asleep to some of Arin’s more recent solo playthroughs, mixing them in with Sequelitis. Shutting his eyes, Dan could feel his heart flutter before slowing.

“What do you think?”

Dan’s eyes snapped open at the words. He eyed Arin. 

Arin just shrugged, “I don’t think you should sleep since we’re getting pretty close. And I miss talking to you.”

“We were talking at my house.”

“Yeah, but like…” Arin sighed, running a hand through his hair. There was the habit again and Arin forced his hand back to the steering wheel. “It wasn’t really us, y’know?” His eyes flicked to Dan, who pressed his cheek into the dash to face Arin. “I… I felt like I had to be brave for you. You were in so much pain and there was so much blood and you were screaming and crying and it broke my heart that I couldn’t do anything for you.” He heard Dan sit up. “No, we’re not going to a hospital. I can’t force you.”

Dan relaxed. “You’re allowed to be scared, Arin. I… I felt like you were shutting me out, being brave. I thought maybe, maybe you didn’t want to be around me like this. That you didn’t want to take care of me.”

“Dude, what the fuck?” Arin eased to a stop at a red light. “You’re one of my closest friends. Probably even my best friend. After Suzy. And Ross. And Barry. And Brian. And-”

“I hate you,” the soft giggles betrayed his hard tone and soon Arin joined in.

“But honestly, dude,” Arin said, catching a fleeting glance at Dan. “I didn’t mind. I don’t mind. I’d love to take care of you. If you want me to, that is. I don’t wanna pressure you or anything. I mean, with your back already fucked up, maybe you don’t want someone to wait hand and foot on you, y’know?”

If Arin was willing to help him, how could he refuse such a generous offer? “Thanks, dude. That’s really sweet of you.”

“Well, that’s what she said.”

Dan blinked, “Wha…?” And then it hit him. “Oh my god, Arin. You did not just do that.”

Arin flashed a smile, “I did and I will again. I can guarantee it.”

Dan shook his head to the best of his abilities and rolled his eyes. Why did he have to fall for such a fucking dork? Slowly, the snickering faded and Arin returned to his rambling, which eased Dan back into an almost sleep-like state. It was nice. Maybe Arin could just do another solo playthrough and Dan could just sit and listen. Or lay and listen. Whatever. All he wanted to do was listen to Arin go off on stupid shit Mimi had done when Dan didn’t show up that morning and a new animation he wanted to try to do, even though Arin went off on how he never really has times to do anything much these days without something else interrupting him.

Dan peeked open an eye when Arin went silent. “Everything okay, big cat?”

That pet name, any pet name really, forced his heart to pick up pace. Trying to hide the flush to his skin, he shrugged and pointed out the window. “I… I kinda got distracted by that bird dancing on the stoplight. It’s just having the fucking time of its life. Just look at him go. You got this little birdy friend. Aw, dude, Holly would have loved him. He flew away.”

“Is that all?”

“Yeah, of course. I just… I guess I’m also upset about not getting to animate or draw really in the past few weeks. Wait.” He counted back in his head as he moved the car forward. “It’s actually been 9 weeks, so at least 2 months. Shit. I really wanna draw, Dan.”

“Then draw?”

“It’s not that simple, Daniel.” Arin sighed. “Have you ever gotten in like a really good groove and like nothing could stop you from doing that thing you were doing but, like, outside forces? Like, um, someone telling you to move or eat or something?”

“That’s most writing seshs for me. Is that what drawing does for you?”

“Yeah. I mean, I can bang out a sketch in a few minutes, but like…” Arin twisted his hands around the steering wheel, cracking his wrist. “I don’t wanna do sketches. I wanna do like a really detailed piece. Nothing like my animation style, since it’s simpler to keep consistent between frames. But, um, I wanna sit and draw some courthouses or something. Their architecture is always pretty cool. Or maybe I could get Suzy to pose and I could draw her.”

“I’m basically immobilized, so I can volunteer.”

Arin beamed, “You’d do that for me?”

“You’re my best friend, of course.”

“Better than Brian?”

Dan laughed. “You’d have to fight him for it, but sure. Even better than Brian.”

Silence filled the space once more and it wasn’t bad. Not at at all. It was totally comfortable for both of them. Arin could sit in this silence forever and everything would be just- “Should I wait until you heal?”

Dan sighed and turned to the other cheek, giving his right side some air. “Arin.” His tone was sharp, but it held no weight. He didn’t want to argue with Arin, now or ever. Unless it was clearly sarcastic, but that was a different story.

“What? It’s a valid question. I need to know if you wanna wait until you had totally sick scars or not. They are going to be scars, right? I mean, they looked deep and you don’t wanna go to the hospital, so I-”

“Arin.”

Arin flinched. Dan didn’t miss it, but chose not to comment. “Sorry. We’ll wait then. That’s fine. I’m fine. We’re good. Also, we’re here.”

Dan lifted his head. The office stood proudly in front of him as if mocking him for leaving. Frowning as he gave the building a once-over, Dan remembered why he had left in the first place. He blinked slowly, wondering if he would be thrust back into the moment where his hands fumbled for his phone and shook as he dialed Arin’s number. When would it happen again? His next feeding? The morning after? Any random time? When?

Part of Dan was aware Arin had been rambling as he got out, but all Dan could muster to do was swing the door open a fraction. Arin moved into help and Dan let himself ragdoll into Arin’s arms.

“Woah, hey. C’mon, Dan. I know you got some strength in you. 10 minutes. 10 minutes and then you can flop all over the place. Specifically the couch, but who’s counting?” Instead of forcing Dan to stand on his own, Arin leaned Dan against the car as he finished gathering their belongings and locking the car. “Okay. Cool. Let’s go.” Arin took several steps away. He stopped and looked over to Dan, still slumped against the car. “C’mon, Dan. I’m not gonna drag you all the way.”

Dan smiled, “But you will some of the way?”

“Sure, when we get inside.” Dan took some wobbly steps towards the main doors and Arin rolled his eyes. “No wonder you fucking flopped in my arms,” he muttered as he eased himself under one of Dan’s arms. “I’m still not dragging you. This is all you get.”

They made their way inside with plenty of grunts and and pokes of elbows and shoulders and Arin nearly losing his shoes more than a few times. Then into the main space and into the Grump room. Arin let go of Dan. Making sure he could stand on his own for the time it took get the TV set up, he checked everything before sitting down. “Are you gonna join me or are you just gonna stand there and stare?”

Dan sank into the couch, leaning his left side into the back so he could still face the mic and TV as Arin played. “Is this okay?”

“Dude.” Arin reached out his hand and pulled Dan forward. “I said you could lay across my lap. I mean, I can fix my mic so it picks up you and then mess with you mic to pick up me and… Nevermind. Just relax. I got this.”

Dan relaxed, falling into place across Arin’s thighs. That lasted about 3 seconds as Arin bent and moved the mics. Sitting back on his knees, he waited for Arin to finish, who shot Dan an apologetic glance. 104 seconds, he counted with nothing else to do, passed before Arin eased back onto the couch, waiting for Dan to join him.

“I promise this game is easy. I knew you weren’t really well before all this happened, so I thought we would do a bit of a slow day and then all this happened and what I’m saying is it’s easy. I won’t move a lot. Things will be great.” Arin smiled down at Dan as he stretched over the sofa. “I promise.”

Dan tucked his hands under his chin. Even though the hoodie rubbed against his bare skin, pain sprouting like touching raw skin, he felt himself ease into Arin’s thighs and the couch more. Arin started the episode and Dan smiled and gave his own greeting, apologizing if he didn’t really seem around, that he was getting over a nasty cold. Melting under the touch of Arin as he massaged Dan’s scalp, Dan explained the game Arin had chosen. It was easy, letting Arin guide the conversation, giving commentary here and there, pointing out any inconsistencies he noticed along the way.

Even in this relaxed state, Dan was aware that his senses were coming back, back to their usual heightened state.  _ Thump thump _ . Their heartbeats. It’s said that being around someone for long enough, your heartbeats will sync. That was what Dan felt through his palm, Arin’s heartbeat running through his legs, his own pressing against the smooth flesh.

“Next episode, I’ll beat this stupid piece of ass garbage.”

Dan blinked. Had 10 minutes really passed? Shifting, he looked to the timer.  _ 67:38 _ . “What? An hour?”

Arin nodded, scribbling down the time. “We’ve only done 4 episodes since you fell asleep after the second one for like 15 minutes.”

_ Thump thump _ . “Thanks for letting me sleep, Ar.” Dan sighed, letting himself be swallowed by the familiarity of it all. Arin’s heartbeat, his own, the smell of sweat and deodorant, the buzz of the timer, and the recognizable melody playing through the speakers on the television. “I love you so much.”

The minute tension, the increase in heart rate, the hitch in his breath. All things that said he overstepped a boundary. “Arin,” Dan started, “I-”

“It’s okay,” Arin muttered, running a hand through Dan’s hair. “I love you, too.”

Dan knew, he  _ knew _ it was platonic. Everything was. That was just their relationship. And Dan wasn’t going to let a crush or his blood lust get in the way. They were friends and that’s just the way things were going to be for the rest of time. Still, it broke his heart just a bit. If he could have, he would have stopped the sobs before they even threatened to form in his chest. But he couldn’t stop them from bubbling out of his chest.

Arin reeled back, removing his hand. “Dan?” Nothing but quiet hiccups every few seconds. “Dan? Let’s sit you up, okay?” Not waiting, Arin pushed Dan’s shoulders off his lap.  _ Don’t be brave. Don’t be brave. _ The words ran through his head as he looked down at Dan, not bothering to hide his worry. That apparently made things worse based on the increased pitch. “Shit, sorry. C’mon. Give me a hug.”

Dan shuffled forward a few inches before Arin tackled him into a hug. While it was clear that he was avoiding the wounds, Arin still squeezed him tightly. After squirming to free himself for a few second, Dan gave up, burying his face in the crook of Arin’s neck.

His mind was spinning. What was he supposed to do? What else could he do besides let Dan cry himself dry? Should he say something? Should he try to figure it out? What would he say if Dan said something? Arin settled to rub Dan’s back until the hiccups resolved themselves and the only sounds in the room were the timer still running, the menu music, and Dan’s sniffles every now and again. “Is there anything more I can do?”

Dan flinched, despite not being louder than the TV. Ignoring the fact that he was full-on straddling Arin’s lap, he pulled his face away, wiping it with the sleeves. “Oh.” This was Arin’s hoodie. No wonder why it was so warm and comfortable. “Shit, sorry.”

“It’s all good.” Arin almost took pride in the lightness of his tone. “So besides maybe getting some tissues, do you need or want anything else?”

Dan leaned back into Arin, wrapping his arms around Arin’s stocky middle. “Can we just stay like this for a while?”

“Of course, Mr. Snuggle Man.”

Dan was drifting, floating. If he could stay like this forever, then he would. Everything was so familiar, so safe, so perfect. Shifting as one of his feet was falling asleep, he caught the stifled groan escaping Arin’s throat. “Everything okay?” He hated the smallness of his voice, the fear. A no would shatter the bubble. He would be back to pining after his best friend and he would still need to go to the hospital and probably spend time in recovery and put off the show and-

“Yeah. I…” A laughed spilled from Arin like champagne bubbles. “This is gonna be really awkward to say, so if you don’t wanna know, that’s fine. So everything’s fine, just, just a little awkward.”

“You want me to fuck you on, like, a daily basis. Nothing can be that awkward.”

“Says the man straddling me. It’s no wonder why I’m popping a boner.”

Dan leaned back. Arin was serious, or at least his face said so. “What?”

Arin’s eyes flicked away, staring down the timer on the wall behind Dan’s head. “Yeah.” Another laugh as he rubbed the back of his neck. “I told you it was awkward.”

“It doesn’t have to be.”  _ No. Shit. Dan, shut the fuck up. _ “Because I don’t mind, if you don’t.”  _ Dan. This is bad. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up- _

“If you don’t mind, then I don’t mind.” Arin looked back to Dan, a blush creeping over his face, “Can I kiss you?”

“Thought you would never ask.”

In a haze of hands and mouths and a shirt and a hoodie, Dan was gripping Arin’s shoulder with one hand and tracing random shapes on his back with the other. God, he could really get used to this. “Fuck, Ar. I love you so much.” Tilting his hips, he earned a stilled moan from Arin. “That’s right. Purr for me.”

“Fuck Dan. If you don’t stop, I’m actually gonna come in these pants.”

Dan laughed before pressing a kiss to Arin’s neck. He hummed, feeling the blood rush past.  _ Dan. _ “Good.”  _ Dan. _ Holding back a groan, Dan moved away. As if wiping a dirty window, his head became clear. He blinked. Arin rutted against him and, while it was usually him rubbing against the ass, he was unphased. “Arin.”

“Dan.”

Fuck. His voice was husky and smooth and his own and something else; it sent shivers down Dan’s spine. “Arin,” he placed both hands on his shoulders. “Stop.”

Arin blinked, licking his red swollen lips. “What? What’s wrong?”

“I-I-I can’t, Arin.” Dan pushed himself off Arin, sitting down on the floor in front of him. “I want to. I do. I swear. But right now… I-I can’t. I’m so sorry. I truly am.”

Arin nodded. “I figured there would be something. Either it’s Suzy, who, by the way, is completely fine with this, or it’s because I’m a guy. And now that you know what Suzy thinks, what do you say?”

Dan shook his head. “This isn’t about Suzy. Or you being a guy. I wouldn’t be fucking grinding on you if I wasn’t okay with it.”

“So, if it’s not me being a dude or Suzy, then what? What is so wrong with me that you stopped? That you don’t even wanna try?”

“It’s not you, okay?!” Dan nearly shouted; he shouldn’t be this worked up over it, but with all the other hell he’s been through today, this was the least the world owed him. “You’re so fucking perfect, Arin. It makes me angry, actually. It’s me. I’m the fuck-up. I’m the problem.” Hot fresh tears rolled down his face. “It’s my fault. And you can’t change me. Believe me. I’ve tried. I’ve tried so many times that I drove myself insane once.” Dan sighed, leaning his head back. “I just…” he swiped at the tear trails, even though more filled their place. “I can’t do it right now.”

At that moment, it dawned on Arin. Sinking back into the couch, he hummed. “You have someone else. That’s-”

“No, Arin. I-”

Arin huffed a laugh. “How could I be so blind?” Another laugh forced itself out. “I get it now. I’m just here to get you off. Thanks. Thanks for that, Dan.”

“Arin, no. That’s-”

“That’s not the truth?” Standing, Arin gestured to himself. “I know I’m not fucking Danny Sexbang, but I thought you might have actually cared for me. Glad to know I’m second choice.”

Dan sighed. “Arin, please, just listen to me for-”

“For a second? Why? So you can tell me about the totally hot chick you’ve been fucking for god knows how long and now you’re using me to spicy things up?”

Dan scrubbed at his face. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Arin was supposed to be kind and understanding and give Dan the space he needed to sort things out. “No. Fuck. I’m not fucking anyone. I swear.” He locked eyes with Arin. “I swear to Christ I’m not fucking anyone.”

“Oh, really?” Arin sighed and shook his head, falling back into the couch. “If that’s true, which I still don’t think is, then what’s the fucking problem?”

Dan ran a hand through his hair, ruffling out the tangles. “It’s me. It’s always been me. I just…” He took a deep breath. “I just got out of a relationship. Her name was Kelly. She was nice and things were great, but then suddenly she was screaming at me and throwing shit and storming out of my place and I just, I don’t think I’m ready to dive into something right now.” He looked up at Arin, “I’m really sorry.”

Arin slumped his shoulders, pressing his forearms on his knees, “She’s why you started drinking again, right?”

Dan nodded. “And I’m not an alcoholic. I’m not, but I have been drinking like crazy. That combined with the break-up, it’s just not a good time right now.”

Arin frowned. “You could have just said it was because of the drinking.”

“I fucking tried to, but you were convinced I just wanted to fuck you and that I didn’t actually have feelings for you. Because I do. Like really gay feelings for you.”

“I have some gay feelings for you, too, Dan.” Arin held out his hand, which Dan looped his fingers around. “I’m sorry for being so explosive. I just… I know I’m not the most attractive guy, so I mean, I figured that… yeah. Sorry again.”

“I forgive you, dude. I mean, I wasn’t the most forthcoming with this and I should have been.”

Arin smiled. “And, hey. Take all the time you need with this. I mean, I’ve never drank, so I can only imagine what it’s like. But just know, I’ll be here if you wanna talk. And I’m totally down to give you all the space you need.”

“Thanks, Arin. Things will be okay.” Dan flashed Arin a soft smile, “I promise.”


End file.
